Chapter 6

I have been catching up on some brand new ISBI’s and I totally miss insane sims.  The only insane thing about the Tart’s nowadays is there lame ass umbrella’s and parasols.


Case in point.  Here is Umber modeling his.  Which is lame and sucks because I was reading Wonderland Idiots and I thought my game loaded paused.  It did NOT!  I ended in the middle of the night last time, and it’s morning now.  So anyway, here you see Umber waking up from his nap STILL at the Langerak pool.


He walks right in the house where we see Claire Ursine chatting with Zelda Mae.  I have decided that Claire will have to be incorporated and become a Tart.  Even if I have to turn off her aging.

Oh yeah..sidetracked.


Parker:  You know, the party ended like 12 hours ago, loser.  Don’t you have a new house to go live at?
Umber:  You keep making that face, it’s going to freeze and stay that way forever.  Didn’t your momma ever warn you about that?

I guess we better pan around and see what everyone else has gotten into.  I’m in the mood to play and update at the same time, so it’s probably going to be lame.


Blackhole:  I’m lonely and I need to scratch something.  I might need to scratch the first human I come to.


Kinda hard to do a CatCam if you aren’t going to face the right way, BH.  Sheesh.

You are no fun.  Go forth and find your scratchy post.


Oh yeah.  That’s an attractive position to sleep in.  Who the hell named you anyway?  No wonder I can never remember your name.

Ni’ele:  EA named me, you lazy cow.  Now go away and let me sleep.

No, go find a human before the social worker gets notified that you are lonely.

I luv you, Mediafire express.

Black Hole and Ni’ele are now ready for download.


Here’s a CAS shot of Ni’ele.  I do not favor her for heiress, so I will need to give her to a family member and find a mate for BH.  Ni’ele is Adventurous, Hyper and Playful.  BH is Non-Destructive, Playful and Hunter.


I wish something witty or even slightly funny would come to mind, but I’m too busy going WTF?

*backs slowly out of the bathroom…very fastly*

Stupid Nvidia update.  Reset my stupid settings and now I’m in tutorial mode.  How lame.  It was bad enough starting off in the default screen size instead of my normal 1366×768.  Okay.  It defaulted my aging too.  I can’t remember what it was either.  *Unchecks tutorial and Shop mode, Edge smoothing bar is now maxed, lifespan is back to 92 days give or take.

Well, apparently Jez and Tyr woohoo’d, glad she’s supposedly already pregnant.  Mallow and Pauline Wan have decided to end their relationship.  Like I give a flying monkey turd about that.


So, I found Jez and Fudge chatting away nicely and noticed that his belly is bigger than her pregnant one.  I could have sworn I left off with her further along.

Then it happened…







Fudge then told Jez all about the Flying Monkey Turds and how they were going to take over the world.  She got a very nice, very large Creeped Out moodlet from his nonsense.  She does make the cutest faces though.


Jez then asked him to produce the FMT’s for a group portrait.  Fudge said they were not available at this time.


Caramel was playing in the sand.  Again.   Do you ever do anything else?
Caramel: No.

I see you escaped the bathroom intact, Tyr.  Why was Peachy trying to enter your body through your armpit?
Tyr:  Who said it wasn’t my armpit trying to enter her head?

That was lame.  I admit it.


Umber:  This is an ISBI! I cannot travel to France you idiots!  You’ll have to get some other chump to deliver that book.


Umber: I can haz baby?


Why do my sims insist on babies when they are about to turn elder?  It’s not like his aging will stop for three days.


Parker:  *eyeballs Umber*  Since you won’t go home.   Can I have your autograph?


Parker:  OMG!  This is the best day of my life!


Parker:  Can you put, “To Parker, thanks for the poolside bed spot. Love and Kisses,  Umber Amour-Tart, Loser at Large?”

*wonders when Umber became a 4-star celeb*


Parker:  Thanks, Mr. Tart.  You can sleep by my pool anytime!


Glaze:  One day, you’re going to become real and grow up with me.  Then we are going to get married and live happily ever after.
Cuddles:  *vows to runaway from home*

Glaze chooses to be a Creature Robot Cross Breeder…just like his sister Caramel.


The nephew from the last chapter is back.  I found out that his name is Guava.

Tyr:  Sorry, kid.  I can’t chat now. I have a cat to yell at.


Ni’ele:  Not heiress potential am I?  Maybe this will change your mind!  *scratch scratch scratch*


Ni’ele:  Woah…that’s so trippy!  Who laced my catnip with LSD?  I gots trails from my claws…now if only they were rainbow colored.


Tyr:  You disappoint me with your destructive ways, cat.  Instead of being naughty, you should be nice if you want to stick around.


Better Tart’s and Gardens Tip #1 from the Annals of Peach Tart:  A true lady always has her parasol handy for trash removal.

You heard it here first, folks!


Better Tart’s and Gardens Tip #2 from the Annals of Tyrian Twilight Tart:  Always keep hotdogs in your invisible pocket.  You never know when you will need to stave off starvation.  And never ever leave your parasol at home.


Tart Tip #3 – If you marry an occult, never ever have sexy times in your own house with your family present.  It’s definitely the stupidest reason ever for a bad moodlet.


Tart Tip #4:  If you have a moron build a fence around the yard, make sure said moron locks it against Paparazzi.  Otherwise, you might as well have saved yourself money and not built the stupid thing.  This would have removed Tart Tip #3 from the listing.


June Long;  I can’t believe Marshmallow sold his brother out.  I sure hope I can get some more Occult action photos for tomorrows paper!


Fudge: I’m not a perv.  I’m just making sure she doesn’t pee on the floor.


Fudge:  Oh Hotdog, how do I love thee?  Let me count the ways.


Caramel plays in the sand.   You are so boring.


Glaze and Cuddles are now holding the broken shower hostage.


*I have no problem clicking on an opportunity that just requires me to push the button.  If they go or show up is on them.*

Jez had one to entertain some brats at the hospital.

Morgana:  Oh wall, you look good enough to eat.


Nick Alto:  My organization is not full of criminals.  I’ll kill anyone who says otherwise.
Gus Hart: I have photo proof, Stinky Fingers!
Nick:  No one dares call me that to my face!
Gus:  I am not afraid of you!


Nick:  I bet you are now!
Gus:  AHHHH!

*I had literally just got the foreboding full moon pop up and Nick just changed.  No morphing, no clawing his way from the depths of hell, which ruined my plans…asshole.*


Jez:  Husband, why are you talking to the bony rich bitch?
Tyr:  Well, I was going to bum campaign donations from Nick Alto, but he sorta has a problem for the next few days.  She was next on the list.


Jez:  I’m so hungry!  I knew I should have followed Tip #2.   *Goes home*


Tyr:  Oh no!  Don’t die Gunther!  I haven’t bummed money off you yet!


Jez:  She better keep her mitts off my man!  That dirty tramp.


Tyr:  So, you gonna fork over some cash or not?  I really want to get past level 5 sometime this century.
Nancy:  Well, I was going to use it to pay off the Conductor who was blackmailing me over a recent um…encounter with Gunther backstage of the theater, but I guess that point is moot now.



Tyr:  Hey Grimster,  can you hold that thought?
Grim:  Why is it going to run away?


Tyr:  Uh no.  I was just having lights added to a rather dark area.  That’s all.
Grim:  *NEIGH*  I’m gonna ride you like a ponygirl.


Tyr:  *runs away screaming*


Grim *adds Tyr to his to do list*



Umber:  Oh.  Are you back again?
Are you ever going home?


Umber:  Nope.  I don’t think anyone will mind if I just move in here.  Unofficially of course.
Of course.


Belly Watch!  I think it actually expanded!


Jez:  Baby wants hotdogs, so I made a fresh batch.
You positive there’s only one baby in there.
Jez:  Huh?
Two words.  Fertility Treatment.

I gave it to Tyr because I didn’t want them spending their lives making babies for her LTW.


So, what’s your problem?
Caramel:  Too dark to play in the sand.
*sigh* I’m sure there is something else you could do…like sleep since you’re tired.


Caramel: Nah.  I’m just going down and chat with someone.


What in the hell are you doing??
Tyr:  Mind your own business and go away.


I can’t believe he did this with so many witnesses close by.
Jez is going to castrate you if she finds out.
Tyr:  I doubt it.


Back home again, Jez is obliviously feeding the baby cravings.


Umber:  I sense an attractive person over yonder.


In the Langerak kitchen, Claire is having the same exact thoughts.


Glaze heads off to sleepy land in a bed!


Molly French was seen hiding in the Langerak bedroom.  Maybe that’s who Umber has the hots for!

Claire Ursine-Tart.  When the heck did that happen?  She was off to work so it has to be Molly French.  So I investigated.

Generation 2:
Tangy is the only one left and he is single.  He is also younger than Peach, probably because of my aging issues.  Not sure.

Generation 3:
Claire and Jello are married.  No kids.
Peppermint and Tamara Donner are married.  They have twin tots.  Sam and Jordan.
Cream Cheese is married to Prune and they have Sour Cream together.  (that is disturbing).
Pumpkin is married to Coconut Colada.  They have Squash and Rusty Colada.
Habanero is engaged to Damian Finn.
Peach, of course, is married to Umber.

Generation 4:
Apple Blossom is married to Boyd Wainwright.  No kids.
Cotton Candy is engaged to Jared Frio.  No kids.
Star Dust is married to Sea Salt and they have Guava together.
Amethyst Rose is married to Malcolm Harris (Moonlight Falls).  No kids.
Jazzberry Mist is married to Yumi Sekemoto.  No kids.
Tyr, of course, has Jez.  Caramel is the daughter of Agnes.  Glaze is the son of Davina Rotter.
Marshmallow is single.

No Fails this update, but then again it all happened in a 24 hour period.  LOL  Since scoring did not change, I won’t post it.

Will Umber ever go home?  Will Tyrian cheat on Jez?  Stay tuned.


10 thoughts on “Chapter 6

  1. Shouldn’t their baby be arriving soon? And maybe Tyr is watching the stars with her to get more money from her later. 😀 I don’t like the disgrace of woohoo with occult with the spouse. It’s just kind of stupid.

    • I just checked and she is 52 hours pregnant. I swear she doesn’t even have a bump yet. I hope so, I was so mad at Tyr.
      The Occult woohoo is very stupid. They should have gotten rid of that when Supernatural came out. I have had a werewolf get that when they woohoo’ed a witch.

  2. Claire Ursine is gorgeous! Isn’t she heavier than that? Did you change her body weight?

    I swear the Woohoo with Occult is the dumbest public humiliation. In my serious legacy, my patron is a playable ghost, and his wife has been plagued by those things. -20! Argh.

    Jez really is adorable.

    • That is not the EA Claire. Every single one of my townies of Sunset Valley, Twinbrook and Moonlight Falls have all been remade by me. Yumi Sekemoto is the only one who was adjusted down to adult (instead of elder), but all looks, traits and likes have been randomized due to the same things and the same genetics in all my games. You can find them for download on my main blog, Jenn’s Junkyard.

      I keep meaning to find a mod that gets rid of the woohoo with the occult problem. Tyr has this as a permanent moodlet now.

      • Oh, and I forgot to squeal that you linked to my ISBI :).

        For some reason, it didn’t occur to me to find a mod for this problem. Now I shall go off and look for one. If you have one, please drop me a link.

      • Thank you!

        I’m going to use this one, though I’d love to find one that was JUST Woohoo with Occult. I don’t mind my celebrities being disgraced (though I don’t want ALL my sims being celebrities, and I’m removing inappropriate celebrity points). But being disgraced for Woohooing with Occult in neighborhoods where it’s totally normal to be Occult is stupid.

      • Heh. I already had an account there, so I asked on the thread. I guess your request would weigh more than mine :). The Sims Asylum is your forum? Cool!

      • Oh no not mine, I just meant mine that I spend 99% of my time at. TFM owns the forum.

        I’ll add my request in too and maybe that will prod Shimrod into doing it..LOL.

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